Me vs. Rut...

quick note...

i have so many random stories in my head to share but i cant for two reasons:   1)my wireless server is being shady AGAIN and i cant get a signal for more than a few moments at a time and 2) i have news that trumps all else...

I GOT THE LOAN!!!  I DONT HAVE TO MOVE AT THE END OF THE MONTH!!!

i found out about 30 minutes ago.  i dont have to pack, i get to stay till may as planned.  damn, i am SO relieved. 

more later...

home and kinfolk

i look around my home, and i realize that it is quite... shabby chic.  quite unintentionally.  and quite without the chic.

there are 2.5 rooms.  the first is about 13x9.  it contains a pseudo mini-kitchenette, a twin bed that we call "the couch" (we do have a bunch of throw pillows to make the bed look like a couch, so the room looks like more of a "living room") and 2 dressers that serve as the tv/vcr/dvr/laystation stand.   they are lovely blonde wood dressers with a beeswax rubbed finish - back from my young, single, i-have-nothing-to-spend-my-money-on-but -beautiful-furniture days.  they are draped with cream colored linen to both protect the tops and to dress them up a bit.  there are also 2 ikea chairs against the wall that hold books and a stunning hand carved chair from kenya, africa.  the chair is carved from the trunk of a tree, and is, essentially, my throne.  (another peice of furniture from my old days.)  the bedroom consists of a full sized bed and a bookshelf.  thats it.  no more space for anything else.  no, no.  wait.  next to the bed, there is one of those little plastic 3 drawer things on wheels.  i use it as both a night stand and breast pump stand. 

then there is a teeny bathroom, with no tub.  yeah.  and thats it.

now, what is the point of this post?  you ask?  because when we move, we will be moving in with family to save up for our own house.  and it will be years till we live alone again.  and...  i think i will miss this little, crappy hovel. 

because it was our first home, you know?  this was our first home as a married couple.  my water broke on that bathroom floor.  i brought my baby to this home from the hospital.  there are memories here. 

okay, but really?  this apartment sucks.  sentimental moment over.  i cant wait to bathe my child in a bathtub.  i cant wait to let her move freely on the floor.  i cant wait to sit at a damn table to eat my meals, like a normal person.  i cant wait till she has a yard to play in.  till we all have room to walk around without bumping into each other.  till we have CLOSETS!!!  whoo!  the luxuries that i used to take for granted!!!  not to mention the fact that she will have my nephew there, who is 2, and who loves her already.  (he sees her picture and starts asking about her by name.  when they are together and she is unhappy, he kisses her, offers her toys and wipes her tears.  they scream in unison, giggle in unison and babble back and forth.  they are such a joy to watch!)  they will hopefully become inseperable, as they will be living in the same home, down the hall from one another and will both be in the same child care center. 

cant wait till....  its all said and done.

update on the wee girl:

she has 5, yes FIVE teeth now!!!  and she can now say "choo" (juice)... i'm sorry, that was misleading.  she now says "CHOO! CHOOOOO!" and of course, it is always when i sit down with my nice, chilled, icy glass.  so i have to share, and she makes my straw all drooley.  but its okay, because i love reinforcing the use of words to communicate.  so i always give her some when she asks.  but dammit, i dont smile about it!

lastly, i want to point all of your eyes to brookes site.  this post (like many of hers) just makes you aspire to be a better mom.  in a good way, though... there is no intimidation, just hella admiration. 

alright, time to go take care of a smell that just accosted my nostrils.  no, not poop.  garbage that i asked hubby to take out.  ah, married life.  joy.

todays black fact:

well, actually, instead of a fact, i will leave you with two quotes and their source:

"... in his book The Strengths of Black Families. In it, Hill outlines five strengths inherent in the African-American family, and they are: 1. strong kinship bonds..."

"...Despite the diversity of traditional African societies, one feature shared by nearly all of them was that life was organized around the family. Julius Nyerere, a scholar and former leader, states that the traditional African family lived together and worked together and the result of their joint labor was the property of the family as a whole. It was the extended family ties that were the basis for care giving. According to well understood and accepted customs, the results of joint efforts were divided so every member of the family had enough to eat and a place to sleep before any of the family, even the head of the family, had anything extra..."

source

why i love my daughter: reason 948,454,753,356,346,788,324

because i get to experience everything - EVERYTHING - a second time.  life, through new eyes.  i get to see what is joyous about a rolling ball.  i get to clap at the discovery of bending over and peering at the world, through your legs, from an up-side-down vantage.  i get to make razzberries and giggle my head off.  i get to feel the thrill of a first plane ride, i get to taste pure honey, i get to stand in awe at the epcot ball. 

i find simple delights in everything now.  i get to do the first day of school, the first school play, the first recital.  the first really cool big girl bed.  the first... oh, so many firsts.  all over again...

looking at life from both sides.  my daughters gift to me.  and i thank every god there is that i finally have this opportunity.  i will never take my fortune for granted.

i look at her and literally cry from happiness, as she stretches her arms to the pillow and tells it about her day.  i secretly delight in her frustrations over not being able to figure something out, because that means that i get to watch the eventual "lightbulb moment."  (i also like to poke her till she swats at my hand and says "mmmBAkup!"  guess i didnt get enough of doing that to my little brother when i was young! ha!)

i love her.  i know that that goes without saying, but ohhhhhh, she is the most beautiful thing.  and i love her so much, i want to go shout it to the world!

but instead, i think we will just sit here and cuddle.

todays black fact:

according to some studies, only 31% of african american women facing infertility seek treatment for it

my dream home

i have mentioned my obsession with this site.  well, over at chookooloonks, the question was posed "...what would you have in your dream house..." 

there are many ways for me to answer that.  i am thinking of both the deep wants and needs that i have for my family and the fun, cosmetic things.  so i will present you with both.  first, the cosmetic things that make me tingle.

back to the fun link, her question gave me a legitimate reason to play around on the site.  and to open my "house ideas" file and go through pics of design inspiration.  and now, my darlin' people, i present to you - my dream house.  (for now!)

      

i chose this house for several reasons.  first of all, there is the beautiful open floor plan, the space in the kitchen for a breakfast nook (i have also mentioned my obsession with coffee houses and i would LOVE for my kitchen/breakfast nook area to reflect that feeling.)   the first floor is elevated, so the bedroom, though on the main floor, is still able to have the windows open at night.  there is a large dual garage, lots of surrounding land... including an area in front that looks fabulous for learning to ride a bike!  a large basement (which isnt really visible, but would become johnny's "play room" complete with his dream big screen tv, wet bar, video game systems, and the most upgraded computer known to man.)  the master bedroom has a large bath with a standing shower (i love those!) and of the 4 other bedrooms, muppet would have one, two would be guest rooms, and one would be my office.  the bench in the entry way is a perfect spot to remove ones shoes (could store guests shoes underneath) and the railings in the living room area and in the upstairs hall opens the space up even more.  also, the fact that the upstairs bath has a spa tub and standing shower is luxurious to me and means that kiddie bath time can be that much more toy-filled and that guests can feel pampered too.

i would love to see a separate laundry room, though, and both a larger opening to the "family room" area (where the fire place is) from the kitchen, and some separation from the dining room and the family room. as for the interior, i have differing ideas... i love both ethnic/funky/urban chic  as much as i love cushy/poufy/clean lines.  i love both shabby chic/fresh and zen/natural.  here are some pics that i have saved from misc decorating websites to serve as a glimpse into my head:

for the kitchen:

for the dining room:

muppets room:

guest rooms:

my office:

okay, now that we have played with pictures, time to get to what i really want in a home.

i was raised in georgia, on lots of land, in a wonderful neighborhood.  i remember playing outside, as a little one, naked.  i remember playing in the grass, eating the berries that grew on our shrubs.  i remember making mud pies, and running with the family dog.  i remember picking peaches and apples from our trees and sneaking into my mothers flower garden. i remember cookouts on the huge patio, the beauty of the formal living room in which my father played jazz records.  there was a railing there, too, that opened the house from the lower level to the upper.  i remember sitting for meals in the dining room, and vegging out in the den with relatives and the big floor model tv.  i remember our playroom, with custom shelves, seating and desks all from my fathers hands. 

what do i want in a "dream" home?  just that.  lots of land in a wonderful neighborhood filled with children.  a cozy kitchen with lots of counters and maybe a booth or a love seat or two surrounding an informal table inside it.  a roomy master suite with a king sized bed and master bath with a sit-in shower, fabulous tub and a chaise lounge (i love sitting in the bathroom while hubby takes a shower.  we talk and make jokes and sing to eachother. not to mention the steam room/aromatherapy aspect.  i used to do that as a child while my mom took showers, too.)  a huge sunny bedroom for my baby to grow up in, have sleep overs in, and dream in...with her own bathroom attached.  a finished basement with a full bath and wet bar/mini kitchenette that my husband can have all to himself, so i dont have to watch him and his silly buddies drink beer and play video games.  (unless i want to join in, of course!) they can pass out down there on the sofas and he can have his own place to decorate however he chooses (cuz he has no say in the rest of the house!!)  i want a laundry room, big and airy, because doing laundry is my all-time-favorite chore!  2 washers and 2 dryers (i am having deep fantasies about these   ), lots of counter space to fold, and a drying rack for both hanging things and johnnys sweaters.  i would like a big window in there to let fresh air circulate and i would have a cushy chair in the corner with a side table so i can read while i wait to switch loads.  and of course, there would be the scent of the ocean (via potpourri or oils or candles or incense or whatever!)  my house would have an office for me, with a desk on one side and  a workshop for my crafts on the other.  i want 2 guest rooms, each able to sleep multiple guests as i have a large extended family, and we love to get together.  i want a master bedroom that is reminiscent of a hotel retreat.  a patio/deck with a grill, one of those free standing-gourd looking fireplace thingeys, a big table and plenty of seating to enjoy sweet tea at sunset.  add a few more details, beautiful photos of muppet, some central air, the smell of spicy pie, and laughter and you have my dream home. 

todays black fact:

as of 2003, 46% of african americans are home owners... and the numbers rise daily!

latte... ummm!

i first fell in love with coffee when i was 13.  i was a candy striper, and as "payment" for our volunteer services, we got free lunch and a free snack each day.  a friend of mine worked with me, and she and i decided to have our snacks together in the hospital gift shop.  we, for whatever reason, decided on a big chocolate chip cookie, and a cup of coffee each.  (i think that having coffee made us feel grown-up)  well, let me tell you, after having that snack every day for an entire summer... the caffiene did its job well.  i was hooked.  (not to mention that i was already addicted to cocacola, so it wasnt a huge leap) 

well, the love affair was a shaky one... off and on.  because quite frankly, my mother would have had a conniption if she knew i was drinking coffee - it wasnt something that we kept in the house.  but the seed was planted.

fast forward to, i think, about 2001.  i was in oahu, and there was a starbucks right down the street from my hotel.  i was there with a friend, and she was pissing me off.  (she is wealthy, and kept wanting to do extravagant and super expensive things, i was on a super budget as i had just blown my savings to be there, period!  so i needed some me time - both to cool off and to just find someting to do that was free)  i wandered outside to walk around waikiki, and stopped into the starbucks.  (kona, anyone?)   it was there that i discovered liquid sugar.  oooooh, the love affair was back in full effect!  i had to have spent hours in there that day, getting a hard-core fix and falling in love with the ambiance.

now, let me state that i have yet to find a starbucks that equals the beauty and serenity of that one, but the emotional fix is still the same.   i now love coffee houses, and as starbucks is everywhere, it is a convenient haven.  (funny note - i dont like their coffee.  i always get some type of foo-foo latte thing or soy chai or some iced tea.)

fast forward to now:  there is a starbucks on campus.  i just tried their cinnamon dulce latte.  orgasm in a cup, let me tell you.  it has that deep cooked sugar flavor mixed with the slightly sour hot milky goodness.  not too sweet, though, and if you suffer through the anticipation for about 10 minutes (like a little kid, bouncing with excitement) it cools to the perfect temperature. 

i cant justify going there every day, but i figure, for my saturday class that is 3 damn hours long, i may as well make it a bit easier to take with a cup of latte.  know what i mean?

and in keeping with the coffee theme...

todays black fact:

the word "coffee" originated from "kaffa," which is a area in ethiopia in which coffee grows wild.

"POP!"

i was changing her diaper, nothing special.

then she passed gas, legs wide open - one of those loud, wet ones.

and not a split second later, she said "POP!"

i laughed for about an hour straight...  resulting in a headache, sore jaw muscles, and breathing difficulty.

i have a new term now.

i know yall wanted to know that!

blackness, travel, and... um... some other stuff

hey yall...  today kicks off february, which many of you may know is "black history month."  whereas i am always proud of my skin and culture, i am going to take this "designated opportunity" to include a little "black fact" at the bottom of each post from now till the end of the month.  nothing to beat you over the head with, but... doing my part to inform the masses.  and more importantly, in doing this, i get to learn a few things, too.

in other news, muppet has found her common sense again.  she was all smiles and kisses and correctly identifying body parts this morning.  ahhh, the rollercoaster that is parenthood.

as some of yall know, i am also quasi obsessed with traveling and resorts and airports and whatnot.  i love to vacation in groups, and i love my family.  thus, many of the trips i am in the planning stages of are family trips (see this post.)  well, having fallen in love with samatha brown from the travel channels show "great hotels"  i have been introduced to this beauty.  ohh, ohh, ohhhhhh....  beautiful!!!  40 acres, a water park for the kids, a garden in which you can pick things like breadfruit, star fruit, etc.....   and it is a family resort!!  a direct quote from the show in regards to their kids programs:  "...the hotels camp grande is the largest resort kids facility in the united states. over 20k square feet, with supervised kids activities that range from hula lessons to a wide variety of arts and crafts.  theres even a camp grande cafe, with all sorts of teen friendly food, and of course, its all good for you..."  theres a huge spa, with all types of treatments (i love spas in places like this because you get the benefits of their local remedies, plants, minerals, and therapeutic rituals)  man....  aggggggggh! (a la homer simpson)   i have been to maui, and i can attest to the mysterious, almost delicate beauty that really isnt there on any of the other islands (imho.) the sand is like powder (be careful, though, it will hide in places that normal sand cant go!) and it smells.... like love and passion and rebirth and sunshine.   go check out the link!

oh yeah, check out my previous post that i linked to, and look at the updates on the "freedom of the seas" site.

alright, time to eat lunch.  talk to yall soon!

todays black fact:

prior to the civil war, higher education for black folk was almost non-existent. in the south, it could be fatal to seek a formal education, and even in the north, formal education was only slightly more common.  HBCUs were the answer...

read more here

shopping fun

shopping is soooooooooooo theraputic!    i bought some spring time clothes for the mup-ster, and it was quite fun, i must admit!  it was necessary, and she got a lot of things that can definitely transition to summer time (like short sleeved polos).  although during my pregnancy, i assigned aqua/tiffany blue as her "signature color", i have come to realize that my baby looks great in yellow.  so the key colors for her new wardrobe are yellow, grass green, and hot pink.  there are a few more colors thrown in for good measure, but those colors run throughout.  ( i will post some pics of the loot)

i am going to take the advice of ebony mom and the thumbs up from afrindiemum and get her shoes hopefully in about 2 weeks... especially since she is growing out of her last pair of shoes and only has fleece bootie slippers to wear out.  i also need to get her some onesies, but for some reason, i cant seem to find any larger than a 12mos except at babiesrus waaaaay out in "west podunk."  and they normally have no variety. 

anyway, i need to get myself some jeans because i have literally shredded the back hem of mine (i buy them long, and they drag).  my khakis that i loved got blood on them (there was broken glass in my shoe from a dropped bowl.  i put on the shoes... and YEOWCH!!! ) so if i see a pair at a reasonable price, i may get those too.  but i dont really need much right now, nor

(resuming this post 10 minutes later)

okay.  we just had a really bad moment.  i just got hit and scratched by my child because i wouldnt let her grab my camera.  her frustrations are being acted out in a very nasty way, and i snatched her up, sat her down (hard) on the bed, grabbed her hand and said "bad! no!"  in a quite loud voice.  she did the pout-silent-contorted-teary-face-then-wail bit....  what the hell??!! she never sees us hit anyone, and we definitely never hit her... is this just a thing that kids go through??!!  because it is NOT cute, and this damn scratch hurts!  is it even possible to discipline a 1 year old?  do you simply set a foundation and hope it works?  ugh.   

i am so off of my shopping high.  more later, i guess, when i am not preoccupied by the insanity of my child.