Me vs. Rut...

twenty nine

             (dont yall laught at my poorly photo-shopped cake!)

my gift to myself is a new weight-loss blog

"talk" is cheap and pictures are worth a thousand words

i am late getting the information, but better late than never.  for the the "babytalk" readers, for kateri, for the revolution...

     

a week in pictures

well, it has truly been a hell of a week.  it started out with a broken camera (note the red hue, though i whacked it a few times and the color thingey fixed itself)

sun in her eyes

profiling!

taking a stroll with grandma (the southern belle/debutante)

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then, muppet had a birthday party to attend, which was lovely...

check out the hairdo! (courtesy of grandma)

birthday girl, M (in solid pink) getting help with the opening of her presents

check out the weeble suv!!

muppet making a new friend, P

hello muppet!

goodbye, M!

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then, things went a bit downhill.  there were tantrums, and they were not nice.  though, i did employ both soothing techniques and ice cream therapy.  (the ice cream was for me, not her!)

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things soon went from bad to worse...

ugh.  i HATE iv lines

but i had good company in the er

it was a loooooong day

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as of right now, i am in pain.  tired.

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but there are good points, kiddos.

for i have a job.  a cool job.  i am now employed by one of the area hospitals as a woman's health associate/nursing assistant.  it is only part time, but the job itself is perfect for me.  i get to incorporate my women's studies background and my doula background while working through nursing school.  i get tuition reimbursement (whoo hoo!!!) and full benefits.  ahhhhh, music to my ears.  my boss is amazing and she is working on trying to get more hours for me.  orientation starts on the 7th, and i am SO looking forward to it. 

the only downside is that it is not full time and that it is a 20 minute drive... note that i dont have a car, so i will have to either take the bus or train till we save up enough funds.  (which, mind you, will take a minute since i have not been working and all savings are depleted.)  but thats okay, we have time.

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and oh yeah, birthday countdown: 3 more days!

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i am smiling for the first time in a while.

food poisioning

yeah. 

its not fun. 

be back soon.

hindsight

ohhhhkay.  so i have been interviewing, and the #1 most common question asked of me is: 

"why are you going out for this job?  why arent you looking for something in your field?"

the #1 comment that i have gotten when i harass the companies or organizations to which i have sent out my resume with why they havent responded to my damn incessant submissions follow up is : "you are overqualified. we figured you wouldnt want this job." (an obvious summary in my own words, but you get the gist)

now, see, heres the thing.  if i didnt want the job, i wouldnt have applied for it or submitted my damn info for it.  okay?!

and, i mean, what the hell am i supposed to say to that?  "yeah, well, be that as it may,  i am a whore for cash right now" or "well, quite frankly, i am desperate."  i mean, really??

and besides, what do they assume i should be doing?!  every non-profit org that i can find wants someone bilingual (spanish, specifically, which is beginning to raise the "discrimination" hairs on the back of my neck...) the colleges around here want you to have 10 years experience or more for freaking entry level positions, and everything in the health care/women's health area requires a nursing license.

so what am i supposed to be doing with my degree?  hell if i know!!!  at this point, i just want something - anything- that will pay my high ass bills.  my care provider told me that she will have to let go of muppet's spot if we couldnt commit to full time because she has other kids on the wait list.  understandable.  and scary, too!  because that means that though we cant afford child care if i have no paycheck, we have to find a way or else she will have no childcare once i do find a job. 

nursing school will take 2 years.  only 1 class a semester, mind you, but 2 years time.  till then, i am *ahem* fucked.

my advice?  unless you are independantly wealthy, do NOT go to school for something that is merely a passion.  (that sentence goes against everything i have ever stood for.  *sigh*)

so tell me this:  what would YOU do with a higher degree in "women's studies"??????

i kid you not...

... my child, my sweet cherub, SHAT CRAYON.  yes, you read that right.  yesterday?  yeah, i saw the obvious teeth marks in the green crayon and realized that a piece was missing.  in fact, i double checked to make sure it had the "non-toxic" label.  but nothing, i. mean. NO.THING. could have prepared me for this :  i wiped her butt after some extreme poopage and there were green scribbles on the wipe.  some of the crayon pieces that were still stuck to her had created an image - a damn drawing!- on the wipe.

squiggly lines. 

I AM NOT KIDDING, YALL!!  it blew my mind.  she shat crayon.  i have seen it all.

first trip to the park

babbling with excitement

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cautious

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wondering if i will set her free

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throwing caution to the wind/running full speed on concrete and thus giving me mild heart palpatations

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she screamed on the slide, the little rocking clifford doggy thing, and the baby swing, but when i sat in the "big people" swing and held her on my lap, she started to enjoy the ride... a little.

pillow talk

excerpt of conversation between muppet and i, as we were laying down in bed:

          me:  (pointing to johnny) "who's that?"

          muppet: "dahs papa!"

          me: (pointing toward her chest area) "who's that?"

          muppet: " dahs boobies!"

          me: (pointing at myself) "who's this?"

          muppet: "me!"

okay, so according to her, we are one and the same.  geez, that baby knows how to make me melt. i kissed her sweet nose, feeling overwhelming surges of love. 

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**yeah, yeah, i took that one little word and ran with the meaning behind it.  whatever! so sue me!  im a sad mama with a increasingly independant toddler.  i will take it any way i can get it!  (smile!)

bah humbug.

i wanted to wait till i was in a better mood to post, but nothing has happened to improve my attitude. (although milenka did make me smile!) 

basically, my child entered the "tantrum" phase at about 150mph and had a head on collision with my horrible week... the crash was horrible and we both have sustained multiple (emotional) injuries. 

i am no longer employed at the furniture store - my choice, but oh what an ugly situation it was.

i have no job.  we have no insurance.  i am paranoid as hell.

hubby was furloughed.  the state of new jersey sucks. he's back to work now, but we lost a significant chunk of money because of the damn budget crisis...  and again, i have no income so we are basically screwed this month.

no one will hire me.  i applied to a phenomonal position at one of the area private schools, and just emailed the dude in charge of staff, and he emails me back essentially saying "we are almost done filling the position.  have a good day."  um, what am i supposed to do with that?  people who were supposed to get back to me regarding my resumes never returned my calls, and so many places refuse to let you talk to an actual person, instead, relying on on-line applications and faxed things.  hello??!!  can i talk to a real person please?  can someone tell me something- anything- even if it is bad news so that i can get on with my life and look elsewhere??!!  what does a sista have to do to get a job??!!

dammit, my child is falling out on the floor and wailing like a wounded puma because i wont pick her up.  i swear, if she keeps flailing her head back and forth all fast like that, its gonna detach. oh, the drama.  gotta go. 

grace, indeed

go here.  you may just find a newfound respect. 

or admiration. 

or view point. 

or appreciation. 

or all of the above.