as they say, "you've gotta use deep s**t to grow the best roses..."

it has come to my attention from a well-meaning reader that my posts imply a deep depression and that i may need to speak to someone professionally.

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dear reader, thank you for your concern.  but i assure you, i am not depressed.  this blog is a place that i have been using to vent, to spill my frustrations.  it is not indicative of my entire life - mainly because i havent been updating often, and when good things happen, i tend to celebrate them without needing to "get anything off my chest."  though i am indeed stressed, and though "the rut" is still going on, i am okay.  sometimes, it takes time to make things the way you want them to.  when i started this blog, i was a new mom, dealing with motherhood, student-hood, time management, trying to deal with the red-tape that comes along with student housing, and navigating being "broke" all the time on 2 student incomes.  pretty normal stuff - and venting was to be expected, right?  then came the drama of needing to find a job, moving to a place that was "temporary" because of not having great cash-flow yet, and dealing with not having a car yet.  again, venting is to be expected.  throw in a completly selfish brother and an overbearing mother and you get a pretty common, though irritating as hell, situation.

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i am not depressed.  if i were, i have access to great resources - for free, even! (that is the one thing about my health care employer.  it is a huge system with many divisions, we have a mental health facility among those, and the hospital offers counseling to all employees)  i also would never compare my "rut" to the true depression that i know so many of my dear friends have spoken of.  my issues are "normal variety" stress that comes with being young and finding your niche in a crazy world.  my rut has taught me a LOT about self sufficiency and time frames, a LOT about when to accept help and when to pull up your bootstraps and do it your damn self.  it has taught me to SAVE MONEY because it is true - eventually, you money will save you.

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and the rut?  i know that it will soon be defeated.

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in fact, let me give all yall some better news.  i have found an apartment complex in the next city over, in a lovely area.  a great neighborhood, on the direct bus route i currently take, and the city has a great school system, including younger child care.  it is not far from where my niece goes to school, so she could actually walk to my new place after school, it is closer to my sisters house, and.....  it will just be johnny, muppet and i.  no outside influences or opinions, we get to live in peace.  there will be a bathroom on the same floor, so no navigating long flights of steps while half asleep/dong the peepee dance.  the kitchen will be on the same floor, so no more eating cold dry cereal and drinking lukewarm orange juice out of questionable cups because we are too dammed lazy tired to go down 2 long flights of steps of steps to reach the kitchen.  (and no more leaving cereal bowls up here, to make "cheese"!!!)  we get to spread out and take up all the space we need, no more needing to retreat to our room for privacy. being able to stock up on groceries, becuse we no longer have to share fridge/freezer space. no more random visitors that we dont know, and the complete ability to walk around like the nudists we are.  (okay, not all the time, but sometimes you just want to be free, ya know?!)

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and this weekend?  we are car shopping!!!  i am going to the same used car place that i got my last car, because it was a great find for a great price.  we are not so much looking for a particular make/model, just something dependable to last the next 3 years while i do nursing school.  and something cheap, cuz we are on a super tight budget. when i graduate, yall, i am treating myself to a brand spankin new honda crv.  because i love them.  and i have wanted one for years.  so i will update (with pictures, even!) when we find our new "wheels."

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muppet is wonderful, her new word is "sycamore."  where the hell did she learn that??!!  and in what context??!!  (oh, i laugh, i laugh!)  it is so cute to see/hear her say it, too.  the "more" part is accompanied by this little pucker... oh, she is so great!   she is enjoying her sitter, and although we are looking to put her somewhere a bit more academic and structured, i love "p." (her care provider) and will have to be sure to give her a gift of my appreciation for easing my daughters transition to "outside care" and easing my fears of having someone else care for my baby. 

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okay darlings, that is all for now.  i send good vibes to my pregnant friends and assure you all that i am, indeed, okay.

Comments

[Yolanda]

Yes yes and more yes!!! I'm so excited for how well things are going- tons of good wishes and prayers for an easy move to the new apartment and a fantastic car find. Depressed? C'mon now venting yes but depression is a totally diferent ball of wax than our dear Kenya. Good to see you - definitely look forward to the next update.

[jasai]

ahh, the rut. we know what it's like and exactly what you mean. take it all in stride.

oh, and it's time for the interview but i can't find your email, so email me.

later love,

Jasai

[kenya]

yall are wonderful

[kenya]

NEW ADDRESS!!! ivegotpotential@wordpress.com

[Sylvie]

LOL! I love the title of this post. I am glad all is well with you and your world.

[Trula]

oh my word, I agree with you. I am glad things are getting better for you!

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[M.]

You know....I really hate that you just disappeared. I think of you often, my friend. *hugs*

[SjP]

Hi There! I recently joined the Blogs by Black Women RingSurf. I'm excited about meeting other African American women bloggers. I invite you to visit Sojourner's Place. The doors are always open there.

And just a reminder, October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month. Come by and let us know when you got yours (smile).

SjP

[boob]

I was on my stomach, on the floor, my legs were spread and Guy’s tongue was circling my ass tube filling

[megarotic]

Man, you sure have a pair of big ones, Mom. Sometimes I like to think about sucking them when I jerk off. It's even better looking at them at the same time jada fire megarotic