Me vs. Rut...

my dream home

i have mentioned my obsession with this site.  well, over at chookooloonks, the question was posed "...what would you have in your dream house..." 

there are many ways for me to answer that.  i am thinking of both the deep wants and needs that i have for my family and the fun, cosmetic things.  so i will present you with both.  first, the cosmetic things that make me tingle.

back to the fun link, her question gave me a legitimate reason to play around on the site.  and to open my "house ideas" file and go through pics of design inspiration.  and now, my darlin' people, i present to you - my dream house.  (for now!)

      

i chose this house for several reasons.  first of all, there is the beautiful open floor plan, the space in the kitchen for a breakfast nook (i have also mentioned my obsession with coffee houses and i would LOVE for my kitchen/breakfast nook area to reflect that feeling.)   the first floor is elevated, so the bedroom, though on the main floor, is still able to have the windows open at night.  there is a large dual garage, lots of surrounding land... including an area in front that looks fabulous for learning to ride a bike!  a large basement (which isnt really visible, but would become johnny's "play room" complete with his dream big screen tv, wet bar, video game systems, and the most upgraded computer known to man.)  the master bedroom has a large bath with a standing shower (i love those!) and of the 4 other bedrooms, muppet would have one, two would be guest rooms, and one would be my office.  the bench in the entry way is a perfect spot to remove ones shoes (could store guests shoes underneath) and the railings in the living room area and in the upstairs hall opens the space up even more.  also, the fact that the upstairs bath has a spa tub and standing shower is luxurious to me and means that kiddie bath time can be that much more toy-filled and that guests can feel pampered too.

i would love to see a separate laundry room, though, and both a larger opening to the "family room" area (where the fire place is) from the kitchen, and some separation from the dining room and the family room. as for the interior, i have differing ideas... i love both ethnic/funky/urban chic  as much as i love cushy/poufy/clean lines.  i love both shabby chic/fresh and zen/natural.  here are some pics that i have saved from misc decorating websites to serve as a glimpse into my head:

for the kitchen:

for the dining room:

muppets room:

guest rooms:

my office:

okay, now that we have played with pictures, time to get to what i really want in a home.

i was raised in georgia, on lots of land, in a wonderful neighborhood.  i remember playing outside, as a little one, naked.  i remember playing in the grass, eating the berries that grew on our shrubs.  i remember making mud pies, and running with the family dog.  i remember picking peaches and apples from our trees and sneaking into my mothers flower garden. i remember cookouts on the huge patio, the beauty of the formal living room in which my father played jazz records.  there was a railing there, too, that opened the house from the lower level to the upper.  i remember sitting for meals in the dining room, and vegging out in the den with relatives and the big floor model tv.  i remember our playroom, with custom shelves, seating and desks all from my fathers hands. 

what do i want in a "dream" home?  just that.  lots of land in a wonderful neighborhood filled with children.  a cozy kitchen with lots of counters and maybe a booth or a love seat or two surrounding an informal table inside it.  a roomy master suite with a king sized bed and master bath with a sit-in shower, fabulous tub and a chaise lounge (i love sitting in the bathroom while hubby takes a shower.  we talk and make jokes and sing to eachother. not to mention the steam room/aromatherapy aspect.  i used to do that as a child while my mom took showers, too.)  a huge sunny bedroom for my baby to grow up in, have sleep overs in, and dream in...with her own bathroom attached.  a finished basement with a full bath and wet bar/mini kitchenette that my husband can have all to himself, so i dont have to watch him and his silly buddies drink beer and play video games.  (unless i want to join in, of course!) they can pass out down there on the sofas and he can have his own place to decorate however he chooses (cuz he has no say in the rest of the house!!)  i want a laundry room, big and airy, because doing laundry is my all-time-favorite chore!  2 washers and 2 dryers (i am having deep fantasies about these   ), lots of counter space to fold, and a drying rack for both hanging things and johnnys sweaters.  i would like a big window in there to let fresh air circulate and i would have a cushy chair in the corner with a side table so i can read while i wait to switch loads.  and of course, there would be the scent of the ocean (via potpourri or oils or candles or incense or whatever!)  my house would have an office for me, with a desk on one side and  a workshop for my crafts on the other.  i want 2 guest rooms, each able to sleep multiple guests as i have a large extended family, and we love to get together.  i want a master bedroom that is reminiscent of a hotel retreat.  a patio/deck with a grill, one of those free standing-gourd looking fireplace thingeys, a big table and plenty of seating to enjoy sweet tea at sunset.  add a few more details, beautiful photos of muppet, some central air, the smell of spicy pie, and laughter and you have my dream home. 

todays black fact:

as of 2003, 46% of african americans are home owners... and the numbers rise daily!

laughing so hard you get a migrane. i miss that.

i moved away from my hometown many many moons ago.  since then, i have lost track with my childhood friends. muffin, terrell, stacy, dez-lung, frank ann, niko...

my best childhood friend was annie, who was - even then- a beauty queen.  our parents met when we were a few months old, in my grandmother's gated community condo neighborhood thingy, and we basically grew up together.  she was my physical opposite - tall, blonde, blue eyes, statuesque.  i remember when, at like 11 years old, we stripped naked in the bathroom and shaved all the hair off of our arms and legs.  her mother flipped out, and told us it would grow back super thick and that we would look like men.  hahah!  i havent heard from her in years... not keeping up with each other, and now i cant find her.  god i hope she stumbles upon this blog one day. 

my best male friend is right near me, and we dont talk nearly as often as we could as our lives are SO different now.  and though we love each other,  we are always so busy.

my high school clique... we were super tight and i thought we still were.  however, they all agree that i am always m.i.a. and thus dont keep me in the loop.  they have tighter bonds within themselves (have traveled together, go to visit each other without my knowledge or invite) and the clincher is that one is getting married, has asked the other two to be in her wedding - not me.  this crushed me like few things could.  i really thought that i was... more important than that.  for the record, i got married in a park and had no wedding party.  it was a "hippy" ceremony at its finest - i wore a handmade dress and old navy flip flops.  i washed and twisted my own hair, my nails were short and unpolished, and i carried 4 roses wrapped in raffia - at my mothers demand.  no one walked me down an aisle, the ceremony took 5 minutes, and it was perfect.  so no, i didnt ask them to be in my wedding, but thats different.  two of them couldnt make the ceremony anyway.  i feel like i dont have them anymore.

another good friend from high school was in the military and gained a whole other life.  she is still wonderful, but so much time has passed, and although we try to keep in touch, it doesnt flow naturally.

my undergrad virginia college clique - we are all so different.  they have "real grown up lives" and... we are worlds apart.  they have been there for each other in those important life situations too.  one of them just graduated from med school, and our friendship was changed forever when i discussed with them my frustrations with the state of childbirth in this society and the reasons i wanted a birthing center birth away from medical intervention and medical regulation.  she accused me of bashing the medical community, told me that i was rude, offensive, and unappreciative of  HER medical community (peers, fellow doctors, etc.) and that i was not to ever, EVER say anything like that to her ever again.  what the fu*k???!!! (excuse my french, but typing that pissed me off all over again.)  how does sharing my very real and very valid feelings translate into bashing the medical community??!!  (and yeah, she is a general practitioner, but I am a doula, ex- midwife intern, and have worked for years in hospitals in labor and delivery environments - so wouldnt i be talking about my own area of expertise?) and even if it did, why are your "fellow doctors" (anyone sense a little arrogance there?) more important than the feelings of your pregnant, emotionally fragile, very simple and natural friend??!!  yeah.  okay.

(**i must note that the high school and college people - save one- all came to the party my mom threw for me the day after the wedding, though)

my best girlfriend in adulthood... left me.  she just created some drama in her head, hated the fact that i was getting married and didnt come to my wedding, hated the fact that i was pregnant and "missed" my baby shower, and other stuff.  i will never forget how she was not there for me in the most important moments of my life.  its funny how people will be there for you when you dont need them, but let something crucial come up and they just abandon you.  and she, too, crushed me.  she was 8 years my senior, and for a long while, the closest person to me.  but she was jealous, i think, of my new life without her.  and she chose to leave me... possibly because misery loves company and she didnt know how to be happy for me.

the friends that i made here at this university have all gone off to do their own thing.

so thats that.

now, i used to be social butterfly #1, surrounded by friends and acquaintances all the time.  but now, in adulthood,  i have damn near no one.  yes, hubby is my friend.  but you know what i mean.  i miss those impromptu visits. those informal dinners in pyjama shorts, bare feet, and an old t-shirt from 10 years ago with uncombed hair.  i miss those long phone calls about absolutely nothing.  i miss helping people pick out date outfits and getting 2am phone calls about how it went.  i miss making sprite and midori cocktails while watching bad television.  i miss giggles and knowing glances.  i miss borrowing clothes, sharing hotel rooms and dressing up together.  i miss packing up into the car and hitting the beach.  i yearn to talk about the insane moments of mommyhood and laugh about what we used to say we would do with children - when we were children. i want friendship that is cozy, like a blanket near a fire.  warm and enveloping, unpretentious and unconditional.  real friendship.

over at countdown to thirty , she mentions how difficult it is to find that adult friendship that makes you want to turn cartwheels.  and that is really true, friendships in adulthood are hard to come by.   maybe it is because we all have busy lives and have no time to cultivate those precious, intimate moments.  we have no time to sit on the beach with someone all day, drinking  coke and eating churros.   we can barely fit into our own clothes, forget about someone elses!  and then there is the case of having them mesh with your partner/spouse.  couple friends are that much harder.

i want that cushion again.  that knowledge that no matter what happens, there will always be someone in your corner - cuz truly, that helps immensely.  someone who will cry with you about watching "beaches", losing your bid on that perfect condo and/or  needing another c-section.  someone who will bring you pizza and a frozen casserole when you are sick as a dog.  someone who will wipe your nose for you.  someone who you can yell at one day and call up the next to go catch a movie.  someone who will let you borrow their car.  someone who you can go on a weekend spa vacation with who wont laugh at your post-baby granny panties.  someone who you would never hurt and would never hurt you.  intentionally, anyway.  a real friend.

and i know that type of friendship takes years to build.  right now, i would settle for someone who doesnt turn away when i need to breastfeed, who doesnt take my personal belief system as a personal affront, who doesnt think they are too fancy/special/whatever to visit my small, simple apartment and relax with some sweet tea and a bowl of grits.  or curry depending what we ate for dinner last night.  someone who doesnt just "tolerate" my daughter.  someone who isnt afraid to hug or be hugged if necessary. 

i miss girlfriends.